Challenges of the African American Introvert

This blog is long over due. It was meant for Black History Month, but can be applied in everyday life for many it is still relevant, but sorry for the wait.


I have talked about the general stereotypes of introverts, such as:

• We are quiet, therefore have no personality
• We are not confident in ourselves
• We do not have opinions

and the list goes on. However as an introverted female who is African American, more stereotypes and challenges occur. Many of which have been interesting to encounter through out my years. These points can be argued against, but they make African Americans go a bit further to exhibit our skills due to societies expectation of us. These experiences can be summed up in three points based on my experience:

1. African Americans are all loud and outgoing(negatively)

This is the common stereotype about the African American community but more specifically, African American women. Most of the exposure people get their negative ideas about the African American culture come from television shows such as Basketball Wives, The Game, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Love and Hip Hop and the list goes on. We are portrayed as reckless people who get loud when we get upset, rolling our necks, throwing drinks, and speak as though we have no respect for others or ourselves. Sadly, this is what many, those inside and outside of the race, expect from us, and if we do not act this way, sometimes due to introversion, we either "think we are better" or "up to something."

(Watch video from 1:26)
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Due to these negative portrayals, I feel I have to work everyday to prove them wrong. If I encounter a disagreement with someone, I like to see where the other person is coming from, not get mad, get loud and call them names other than their own. In my everyday conversation, I not only respect the people I talk to, but go a step further to prove my knowledge in every situation, make sure my voice is heard WHEN NECESSARY, but also hear the other persons side. I prefer "educated conversations" over ignorant ones.

     2.   African American introverts think they are better than the rest

This stereotype seems to appear more within the African American culture against each other. This is one I encounter on a regular basis, especially in the college environment. In the college environment, there are always parties. I have nothing against people who like to go out to parties, but that is not my scene. I prefer to be at home watching a movie or hanging out with one or two friends. My African American friends respond to this by saying, "you're too good to go out with us?" When in reality, I just don't like the environment. On a daily basis, I run into groups of African Americans on campus who hang out with each other, but I only know a few of them. I speak to the few I know and politely wave to the others. However because I do not make the effort to talk to them and get to know them like the others do, I am seen as "uppity" or "too good" for them. So it is not only people outside of the African American race, but those within it as well that cause me to feel uncomfortable. Yes, I do choose the people I call friends and who I hang out with wisely, but that is because I value having few close friends them a thousand acquaintances. Yes, I do talk differently than you and prefer different types of music, but that does not make me less black or better than anyone, it makes me eclectic. So, no, I do not think I am better than the rest. I am choosing not settle like many.

     3.   African American introverts are scheming

This assumption more so applies to African American men, but can apply to women as well. This is the idea that because a person is African American and does not fit the stereotype, maybe quietly reading to themselves or something, they must be up to something. Take for example the Trayvon Martin case. It is not known that he was an introvert, but he was keeping to himself, but because of, in my opinion, the color of his skin, he was killed. Even in walking the sidewalk or in the mall, I have noticed women subconsciously or consciously, grab their purses a little tighter when an African American male walks by. For women, it has been said that when an African American woman gets quiet, she is about to "go off" or get upset and start yelling, or based on television stereotypes they are planning to key your car, or cut your tires. Why can't we just be sitting quietly just to be quiet and relax? Why do we have to be up to something. Many people that know me know that, yes, I am quiet most of the time because I prefer to keep my thoughts to myself unless they are necessary or helpful to a situation. Do I think and occasional smart ass response to people every now and then, yes, but that doesn't mean I am plotting to harm them or get back at them in any way.

For these reasons, I feel I have to do three times the work that others do. I go into an interview knowing that I am and 1. I am African American 2.  I am a woman and 3. I am an introvert so I have to let my knowledge show, I have to let my personality show, I have to be steps above the rest. Some may say this is the case for any interview or situation, but understand there is a difference.

I hate that I had to separate myself from other introverts but I cannot ignore the fact that the separation is there, whether it is present due to society or family beliefs and values. I do wish that everyone could be on the same level, but in the world and society of the world, it seems unreachable. Everyone is a product of their own environment, but it is how you accomodate your differences that makes the difference.

Opposites Attract

     I have found over the years, that although I prefer to be alone, listening to music, writing poetry or singing, I am attracted to people who like to do just the opposite. I am attracted to extroverts.       
     
        All through out high school, and most of my college days, I have been friends with the athletes, the party girls, the populars, who we all know, although they are not guaranteed to be extroverts, they enjoy the spotlights, the attention, and going out all the time. While this is not my forte, I guess I find it refreshing and somewhat exciting to be around people who live for the moment, who live for the day.                 

         
            It happens in friendship as well. My current roommate is the girl that everyone knows. Although she is from a small town, she has big girl dreams. She speaks her mind no matter what, no matter where, regardless of the topic. She is the first person on the dance floor and getting people active at the parties. These things complete opposite of my personality, she is one of the realest people I know and our friendship means so much to me. Although it was a challenge at first, she has accepted that I am not the same and she. I prefer to stay in when she goes out. I like to think before I speak. Regardless she has been there for me from day one.   

       The same can be said for my significant other. He is one of the most outspoken, life loving, people pleasing, entertainer I have ever met. While I did think he talked to much and was a pain when we first met, once I gave him the chance, I learned that our personalities could not be more perfect for each other. His craziness balances my calmness. His family is more carefree, while mine is quite up tight at times, and as we all know, we are the product of our families. However, he and his family bring me the most laughter and joy I have experienced my whole life and, according to him, my family provides him with more support, guidance and understanding than he has ever experienced.     
        
          The best thing to do is to embrace each others differences. The extrovert can bring new people into the introvert's life, and the introvert can create peaceful spaces in the home and in the relationship. The differences can enhance the relationship the two work with the differences rather than fighting over them. 
       
          Based on these facts, I would argue that although in life, the world would place us against each other, there are ways in which introverts and extroverts are compatible in friendship, in love, and in life. 

Introversion In the Classroom

Teachers always encourage student involvement in class, from reading an excerpt from a book, to answering a question, or even group work, and many students are will to participate in it, but the introverts are uncomfortable with it.

Being an introvert has its challenges on its own, however, being an introvert in the classroom can be difficult.  Those same misunderstandings that the outside world holds about introverts also cross over into the learning environment. Due to the uncomfortable vibe given off by the student, the teacher too becomes uncomfortable, developing his or her own thoughts and ideas about it.

A common misperception about the introverted student is that the student’s lack of participation is because he or she lacks motivation or doesn’t understand, however neither is neither is true, this I know from personal experience.

As you all know, I am a communications major, but believe it or not, it was miscommunication between myself and my advisor that lead me to being a more extroverted introvert, in terms of communication.

For years, I sat in the classroom listening and observing; avoiding getting called on to interact. It was not because I did not understand or because I lacked motivation, but simply because it is what I am comfortable doing. I sat in class taking notes or just writing my thoughts, but never engaging in conversation because I feel I can learn my just by listening. However, around my junior year in college, my advisor/professor and I had a bit of a heated misunderstanding.

Over the years she was the professor thinking I lacked motivation, or in her words, “did not care.” I had always gotten a weird vibe from her, but it wasn’t until her views of me threatened my job at the university, one that I valued, that I was forced to speak up for myself and clear the air. By the end of our conversation, the professor and I were on the same page and she apologized for her assumptions, assumptions that could have been cleared up by a simple act, pulling me aside and confronting me about her concerns.

A lesson was learned on both parts, I to not completely shut myself out of every situation, and she address the situation rather than working based off of assumption.

Although it is hard, this is where the steps mentioned in my first blog post come into play for an introvert to avoid such obstacles. We cannot be afraid or complacent in every situation; there comes a point in time where everyone needs to speak up.

So my advice and challenge to you all today is, NEVER be afraid to speak up! 

Are You An Introvert or An Extrovert

Although my fight is on behalf of the introverts, I value and understand that everyone in the world is not an introvert. The most common dispute is about introverts and extroverts. In order to understand where the personalities clash, and how, as I described in my previous post, to get out of introverted ways, some research was needed.

A few of the commonly known traits of an extrovert include: being interested in what is going on around them, open and often talkative, compare opinions with the opinions of others, like action and initiative, easily make new friends or adapt to a new group, say what they think, are interested in new people, and easily break unwanted relations.

If it can’t be seen from these traits, extroverts are energized by being around other people, quite the opposite of an introvert, who is energized from being alone. For this reason, extroverts strive in social situations such as parties. However, by comparison, not all extroverts share these needs for interaction and conversation.

A friend of mine would describe herself as an extrovert, even a psychological test would say the same, however she does not exhibit all the same characteristics of one, she actually has some of an introvert. While she is friendly and enjoys meeting new people, she is also shy given certain situations and prefers to be alone. The majority of her time, she prefers to be in her room, by herself, listening to music and studying. She does not strive for the outside social life that extroverts are known to want.

With this being said, it can be argued that although people have been categorized by their personalities over the years, no one has a set personality. People are too complicated to be only one kind of person. I myself can consider myself an extrovert, at times, very rare times, but times nonetheless.

However, for those of you who need to know one way or the other, or who would just like to do it for fun, try this personality test and find out, are you an introvert or an extrovert.

If you do take the test, feel free to share your results and your thoughts on the results. I look forward to hearing about it. 

Just so you know, here are the results I got after taking the test.

Pretty interesting since I'm so set on being an introvert right? Take the test and find out!

 For more information on the common differences between introverts and extroverts, visit www.socionics.com/main/types.htm

Be You, Whoever You Are

With such a busy semester almost behind me, and the last day of classes finally over, I was anxious for the moment to be able to go home, relax and sleep, but today I realized that sometimes even introverts feel the need for some people to people attention.

After my only class of the day and my last class of the semester, rather than wanting to be alone in my room celebrating, I found myself wanting to talk to everyone, figure out what everyone was doing for the night. My roommate even stopped me mid sentence to ask if I was ok. Truth be told, I did not know what had come over me, until she brought up the party she was going to that night.

When she began talking about the party, my first thought was, I wish I were comfortable enough to go. Although I know many people, people who would be at that party, mainly people I met due to my extroverted friends, that doesn’t mean I am able to connect with them and have fun the way they do with each other. Just for a night I wanted to be out and be recognized, I wanted to be the girl that everyone loved to talk to, who wasn’t sometimes socially awkward in the party environment.

So that was it. I was going to get dressed and go to the party. But when my roommate came downstairs dressed and ready to go, I was still sitting in bed, not dressed to party, but watching TV and on the computer.

It seems those urges will present themselves from time to time; the urge to live the so-called normal college life, to have fun and socialize, but who’s to say I hadn’t already been doing that. This is the thought that caused me to change my mind. No party, no drunken fiasco could replace the great times and memories I have created from sitting at home cooking and watching movies with my boyfriend, reading my niece a bed time story, or playing Michael Jackson Experience on the Wii with my roommates.

Sometimes we may think we want something, but we cannot change the people we are. That night, I wanted to live, but then I realized, I had been living all along. I had been living my way. But for a moment, I had let he societal norms of the world let me believe that I was not, but I’m glad I won that battle.

So my advice today is never let world’s expectations of who they think you should be, determine who you really are.